Adversity
There is a quote by one of my favorite people, Malcolm X, that says, "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." It had always been just a quote to me, but I think that now I finally understand what it really means.
Adversity. It's a simple word and yet a word that many people don't truly understand. Adversity can be caused inside of oneself or because of external factors. For me, I have faced both. I have faced adversity because I have made mistakes on the path to where I am now and I have faced adversity caused by other people who just wanted to make my life miserable.
As a Muslim, I was always taught that God put everything in my life to make me a better person. To teach me lessons. Sometimes though, it's really hard to see that through all that I face.
This semester, when it came to schoolwork, I struggled really badly. I struggled to keep myself motivated, and I struggled because I had made the decision to take nine classes in order to graduate this year. I just finished my final exam, and I got whoppingly terrible grades this semester. Inside of me, there is a lump in my chest and throat. I don't know how I'll get through this. I don't know how I'll get through this. Right now, I'm struggling to hold in the tears I know are going to be inevitable when my head hits the pillow tonight.
I keep telling myself, this is a form of ADVERSITY. I remind myself that EVERY great person had to go through some adversity in their lives. Michael Jordan was kicked off of his high school basketball team. Oprah was kicked off of a TV show at 23 and told to get a new career because she wasn't made for TV. But look where they both are now.
This hurts even more because I am an overachiever. I put a lot of emphasis on school and grades in my life. I was always at the top of my class. Maybe God sent this to me as a way to humble me. As a way to remind me that He can make anything happen - even if it is reducing my previously perfect grades to nothing.
And I digress. But I don't feel at peace. I wanted to finish this semester screaming and kicking. I wanted to end this semester knowing sure damn well that I would be angry at myself if I didn't get those A's and the perfect 4.0 GPA. Yet here I am, looking at a failure of a semester, wringing my hands, wondering what went wrong and what I can learn from this. And I want to come back at the end of next semester and look at this and say, Fatima, you learned some lessons from what happened. I want to come back after getting straight A's. Because what hurt even more than the grades I got, what is eating me up inside, is the fact that I disappointed my dad. My Pops, who has worked so hard to give me the opportunities to get to where I am. If anyone deserved me having good grades, it was not me, but my dad who has supported me through everything I have ever been through in life. And yet I threw that all away. I chose to be selfish and as a result I got kicked back in the face with the grades I got this semester and the anxiety that has been haunting me for the past two weeks and the all-nighters and surviving on two hours of sleep. I feel like a terrible daughter. Point is, I can't stand school.
Adversity. It's a simple word and yet a word that many people don't truly understand. Adversity can be caused inside of oneself or because of external factors. For me, I have faced both. I have faced adversity because I have made mistakes on the path to where I am now and I have faced adversity caused by other people who just wanted to make my life miserable.
As a Muslim, I was always taught that God put everything in my life to make me a better person. To teach me lessons. Sometimes though, it's really hard to see that through all that I face.
This semester, when it came to schoolwork, I struggled really badly. I struggled to keep myself motivated, and I struggled because I had made the decision to take nine classes in order to graduate this year. I just finished my final exam, and I got whoppingly terrible grades this semester. Inside of me, there is a lump in my chest and throat. I don't know how I'll get through this. I don't know how I'll get through this. Right now, I'm struggling to hold in the tears I know are going to be inevitable when my head hits the pillow tonight.
I keep telling myself, this is a form of ADVERSITY. I remind myself that EVERY great person had to go through some adversity in their lives. Michael Jordan was kicked off of his high school basketball team. Oprah was kicked off of a TV show at 23 and told to get a new career because she wasn't made for TV. But look where they both are now.
This hurts even more because I am an overachiever. I put a lot of emphasis on school and grades in my life. I was always at the top of my class. Maybe God sent this to me as a way to humble me. As a way to remind me that He can make anything happen - even if it is reducing my previously perfect grades to nothing.
And I digress. But I don't feel at peace. I wanted to finish this semester screaming and kicking. I wanted to end this semester knowing sure damn well that I would be angry at myself if I didn't get those A's and the perfect 4.0 GPA. Yet here I am, looking at a failure of a semester, wringing my hands, wondering what went wrong and what I can learn from this. And I want to come back at the end of next semester and look at this and say, Fatima, you learned some lessons from what happened. I want to come back after getting straight A's. Because what hurt even more than the grades I got, what is eating me up inside, is the fact that I disappointed my dad. My Pops, who has worked so hard to give me the opportunities to get to where I am. If anyone deserved me having good grades, it was not me, but my dad who has supported me through everything I have ever been through in life. And yet I threw that all away. I chose to be selfish and as a result I got kicked back in the face with the grades I got this semester and the anxiety that has been haunting me for the past two weeks and the all-nighters and surviving on two hours of sleep. I feel like a terrible daughter. Point is, I can't stand school.
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