Who I Want to Be
The day I turned 17 I was SO ANGRY at myself because I had been reading all these books with 16 and 17 year old characters who literally saved the world at my age. I wanted to be brave like Tris. I wanted to be strong like Katniss. I wanted to be a hero like all of my fave characters. But I wasn't any of these things. I was just Fatima the girl who sits at home and watches the world burn around her while wishing she could help. I'm still not brave or strong or selfless or kind and I wish I was. And I didn't accomplish anything while I was 16. Even now I still haven't at 17. Mostly just sat at home and did my schoolwork.
I'm still working on it. I'm still working on saving the world (after I finish saving my grades). Everyone's a work in progress. But if I don't do something major and save some people before 18 you can bet I'm going to go crazy. I don't know what it is with me, I just really want to change the world. And I wanna do it now, before any more people get hurt or die. There's a driving force that tells me I have a bigger purpose in life than sitting at home and doing my work which bores me to death and that I need to be out there doing more important things, but for now, I'll be selfless like Katniss and do it for my parents. While being angry at myself that I haven't saved the world yet.
I don't even know what this is. Just me sitting around past midnight and thinking about my purpose in life and how I haven't fulfilled it. There's always been something stopping me from who I want to be. And it feels like no one understands that or me and that's ok. Maybe someday I'll find someone who can help me save the world and will understand my desire to keep fighting until we're all free. I really wanna make an impact on someone's life and change the world. I hope I can someday, when I'm not doing it alone and once I finish saving my grades.
I'm still working on it. I'm still working on saving the world (after I finish saving my grades). Everyone's a work in progress. But if I don't do something major and save some people before 18 you can bet I'm going to go crazy. I don't know what it is with me, I just really want to change the world. And I wanna do it now, before any more people get hurt or die. There's a driving force that tells me I have a bigger purpose in life than sitting at home and doing my work which bores me to death and that I need to be out there doing more important things, but for now, I'll be selfless like Katniss and do it for my parents. While being angry at myself that I haven't saved the world yet.
I don't even know what this is. Just me sitting around past midnight and thinking about my purpose in life and how I haven't fulfilled it. There's always been something stopping me from who I want to be. And it feels like no one understands that or me and that's ok. Maybe someday I'll find someone who can help me save the world and will understand my desire to keep fighting until we're all free. I really wanna make an impact on someone's life and change the world. I hope I can someday, when I'm not doing it alone and once I finish saving my grades.
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