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I cannot help but think of how,             If things had gone just a little differently,                         I would have been someone that I could be proud of. Funny to think how things that happened so long ago could have an impact so many years later. I wish I could have been someone else,             Someone who was just a little bit more considerate, just a little bit more kind, just a little bit more of a better person. Maybe that self-loathing wouldn't be.             Maybe these versions of myself exist somewhere else, in some different, alternate timeline where she is not dead.                         I could be her , I could be so much better, I could reach that impossible- But I am who I am. Much as I despise myself for being     ...

I just want to disappear. I want the world to go back to to before I was born again again and an alternate timeline happens, one where I don't exist. It seems so much easier than being here, now, struggling. I can't help myself. I can't help the world. It feels like I'm swimming in water, pushing up and up, trying to find the surface BUT I CAN'T. Because no matter how hard I push, it's not there. I want to go away. Be a nobody. Walk around faceless because nobody knows me. Undo all the damage and all the ways I hurt others. I want to disappear. You see, under that exoskeleton that most people have, there's a raw, hurting human who's hiding away from you. One who seems so confident on the outside but who's afraid to try and become friends with you because what if you hurt them? What if you betray their confidence and trust and love? They say that only romantic partners can break your heart, but what if you've had your heart broken by your whole ...

The day I turned 17 I was SO ANGRY at myself because I had been reading all these books with 16 and 17 year old characters who literally saved the world at my age. I wanted to be brave like Tris. I wanted to be strong like Katniss. I wanted to be a hero like all of my fave characters. But I wasn't any of these things. I was just Fatima the girl who sits at home and watches the world burn around her while wishing she could help. I'm still not brave or strong or selfless or kind and I wish I was. And I didn't accomplish anything while I was 16. Even now I still haven't at 17. Mostly just sat at home and did my schoolwork. I'm still working on it. I'm still working on saving the world (after I finish saving my grades). Everyone's a work in progress. But if I don't do something major and save some people before 18 you can bet I'm going to go crazy. I don't know what it is with me, I just really want to change the world. And I wanna do it now, befor...

Just had a long conversation with a friend that helped me open my eyes up to my own flaws and the flaws of all of us as a community. One thing I notice over and over is that we tend to gravitate towards and stay inside our comfort zones. Especially when it comes to choosing friends. There are way too many people who would rather stay with the friends they've been close to their whole lives than talk to someone new who might have new and different perspectives. It's great to have lifelong friendships. But it's dangerous when you are friends with the same group of people who look and act exactly the same as you. It prevents you from having real conversations and facing facts that are necessary and crucial to your growth and being open minded. I'm guilty of this myself. I tend to stay with the same friends that I've had for a while, but this year has taught me a lot. This year I have strayed completely out of my comfort zone and made friends with people who I nev...

If you call yourself an activist or say you have progressive values or call yourself a feminist and you are not standing up for or speaking up for Palestine, then your activism or feminism needs to go. I see way too many people who are activists and who support Black Lives Matter and immigration rights and the dismantelment of systems of white supremacy in the United States but who don't give the same attention or activism to Palestine. Remember what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." So, I will be out here speaking up for the innocent Palestinian protesters who tried to exercise their right to protest peacefully. We take that right for granted here in America, but they were met with bullets and tear gas (even though I know what tear gas looks like and it doesn't give people convulsions like that). If we fight for our rights to protest peacefully here in America we should also be speaking out for the rights of th...

I don't know about all the other Muslims out there, but every time I read a new hadith, a new part of the Quran I had never really understood before, or a new story about our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him, it gives me a newfound appreciation for what Islam really is. For me, Islam is not just a religion. Islam is a way of life. Everything that I do everyday is determined by my religion. For example, before starting anything, I remind myself why I live and why I am doing this. I do everything that I do for God. "Say, 'Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah , Lord of the worlds.'" (Quran 6:12). As an activist, praise from other people sometimes gets to me. I try my best to focus on the constructive criticism that I get about how I can be a better person and a better activist. When I put my head on the ground five times a day, I focus on how that is the most humble act I can do to declare my devot...

As we come closer to the date of the national walkouts I want to remind everyone how important it is to make sure that ALL victims of gun violence are included in our messaging or our events. Including students of color who cannot walk safely to school because of the systematic racism causing gun violence in black communities in Chicago, Baltimore, and Detroit. We can't forget to include people in Latin America and the Middle East affected by the United States' weapon sales overseas that have destabilized many governments. Having these conversations may be uncomfortable for some. But ask yourself, do you value your comfort or the lives of those affected by gun violence more? Staying in our comfort zones all the time is not a good thing. As a Muslim, but more importantly as a human I strive to have uncomfortable conversations with people and speak the truth, even if it makes other people uncomfortable. Embrace the discomfort. You will become a better person for it. There are t...

53 years ago today, the world lost a great man. A man who spoke truth to power, who didn't work towards acceptance but towards respect, a man whose truths made America uncomfortable. 53 years later Malcolm X aka al-Hajj Malik al-Shabazz still teaches us lessons from the grave. Reading his autobiography made me think deeper about the world I live in. About what I am willing to do for freedom. His words, his truths, his courage, his radical love, his activism, and his undying commitment to justice inspires me every day. Malcolm X was a man who taught millions how to be unapologetically Muslim and unapologetically black. He may have been one of the most hated men in America but he was also the most respected, as his words tell us, "If you have no critics you'll likely have no success." His words ring true today, and just this week I was feeling overwhelmed and I remembered his words, my favorite Malcolm X quote that I have hanging in my room: "There is no bett...

I woke up today with a heavy heart, hurting for all the people who died in and had to experience the Florida school shooting. But I also have some strong words for people who don't want to acknowledge that America has not only a gun problem and a politicians who take no action because they're paid by the NRA to remain silent but also a problem with how we perceive people who commit crimes based on their race. Let me make something very clear and set it straight. This was a white nationalist TERRORIST who was RADICALIZED through a white nationalist organization in his hometown that he was a member of. But he's not Muslim, he's white so according to the media he's mentally ill and this isn't terrorism. When you read the news stories on this they paint a picture of someone who randomly decided to shoot up a school and yet when it's a Muslim (or Hispanic or black person) who commits violent crimes we hear day in and day out about their personal life and their j...

There is a quote by one of my favorite people, Malcolm X, that says, "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." It had always been just a quote to me, but I think that now I finally understand what it really means. Adversity. It's a simple word and yet a word that many people don't truly understand. Adversity can be caused inside of oneself or because of external factors. For me, I have faced both. I have faced adversity because I have made mistakes on the path to where I am now and I have faced adversity caused by other people who just wanted to make my life miserable. As a Muslim, I was always taught that God put everything in my life to make me a better person. To teach me lessons. Sometimes though, it's really hard to see that through all that I face. This semester, when it came to schoolwork, I struggled really badly. I struggled...